When you first begin dating someone new,
It seems like you may have finally found your soul mate – the person who will stick by your side through good times and bad times, through sickness and health.
But is he really the one, or are you just being blinded by his good lucks or gentlemanly charm?
As exciting as it is to begin falling for someone new, it’s important to stay grounded and keep an eye to reality.
Before you start seriously dating someone, you need to take the time to figure out if he really is a good match for you, or if you have just been turning a blind eye to some tell-tale, ominous signs.
Here are some things that you should know about a guy before you start dating him.
Consider it a research project. Your job is to collect all the data and come up with an informed decision based on your findings.
To date or not to date?
That is the question
1
How They Treat People In The Service Industry
Some people like to shoot down restaurants as being a cliche first date, but I pretty much insist on going out to eat the first time I meet someone. Reason number one is obviously because food, but reason number two is because I can pretty much always tell whether or not I'd be willing to go on a second date with someone based on how they treat the server. You can learn a lot about someone based on how they treat people whose job it is to do whatever the customer wants, and even if your date treats you like a princess, it's important to remember that a person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter is not a nice person.
2:
Oftentimes, you can tell the most about a person by the company he keeps.
The type of friends that your guy hangs with can give you a ton of insight into the type of person he is.
Most people have a few close friends who each serve different purposes in their life.
For instance, he may always go to one particular friend when he needs advice.
Figure out whatever you can about their relationship to find out why.
Is this friend mature and wise and capable of dishing out practical advice?
Are they a simply a good listener who lets him talk it out and figure out the answer on his own?
Do they give advice in a tough-love fashion, or do they coddle and indulge?
In this way, you can learn what type of person he values and trusts.
Similarly, learn what you can about the friends he hangs out with most, and look for what attracts him to them.
Does he love the familiarity and comfort of friends he’s had since elementary school? Does he hang out with energetic people who are the life of the party?
Are his friends witty and funny, constantly cracking jokes to keep everyone laughing?
By finding out the type of company your guy keeps, you’ll have a better understanding of what personality traits he values and what type of people he likes to be around.
If you share some of these personality traits then you two are likely to hit it off too.
And if you can see yourself being friends with his friends, then you are likely a great match.
3.
What is His Value System?
A value system doesn’t necessarily have to do with religion, although that could play a part in the conversation.
Unless it is a deal breaker for you personally, someone with a different religion than you could still be a great match.
People from different religious backgrounds get married all the time and raise children with traditions taken from both religions.
It’s also important to remember that the religion that someone grew up in is not necessarily representative of the beliefs that they currently hold.
What’s often more important are the underlying values that people believe in.
Before you start seriously dating a guy, it’s a good idea to understand what he holds dear in his life.
Find out what makes him happy, what he can’t live without, what motivates him, and what happiness looks like to him.
Try to understand how he views the world and those around him. Does he believe he has a purpose in this life, and if so what is it?
What guides him in making tough decisions?
To be a good match with someone, you don’t necessarily have to have exact same values. In fact, that might be boring.
But you do have to be able to understand where the other person is coming from and see if you can relate to it.
Morals, on the other hand, should be non-negotiable.
If someone has unsavory morals and a shady sense of principles and ethics that don’t align with yours, then it’s probably best not to continue the relationship.
After all, you want to be with someone who brings out the best in you, not the worst.
4.
Does he Fight Fair?
Good conflict resolution skills can be the cornerstone of a good relationship. Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, and problems will arise as your courtship progresses.
It can be difficult to understand someone’s conflict resolution skills if you haven’t had a fight yet, and if you are just beginning your courtship then you hopefully haven’t had anything to argue about yet.
However, you can learn about how he has handled conflict in the past and try to gauge how he deals with arguments.
Is he the type to scream and shout at the top of his lungs to get his point across?
Does he belittle or berate during an argument?
Does he lie when his back is up against the wall?
Does he become defensive?
Does he go for low blows when he’s angry?
Does he storm off in a huff?
Does he become fragile and insecure?
Does he become cruel or aggressive?
Is he quick to apologize?
Does he try to keep the peace at all costs?
Clearly there are many ways to fight, but some tactics lead to more productive outcomes than others.
You don’t necessarily both have to have the same conflict resolution skills, but you should have ones that are compatible.
For instance, if you are a fiery woman known to fly off the handle at the slightest thing, then you might respond well to someone who is slow to anger and quick to apologize.
